Christmas is a great time to step back and reflect on you’re life…

There’s so much that I hope for.  There’s so much I want.  But my wants and desires are not God’s.  My “ideal” future probably isn’t his plan at all.  Who knows if i’d even be happy.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned, its that I don’t know what I really want… and I’m miserable when I fight for the things that I think i want.

So what’s the verdict?  If my hopes for my life oppose/hinder God’s, then they need to change.  I want to hope for the things God hopes for, and to desire the things God desires.  Its simple, but so hard.  I can’t just change my own heart, but I’m praying that God does–and I know he will.

This blog is dying!  Don’t blame me, I’m just the writer.

“You know what the problem is?”  (I like putting random things in quotes… it gives it style…)

I’m not a good writer, which makes it sooooo hard to write a blog.  Plus I’m way to critical of myself.  I’ve started like 500 posts and deleted all of them.  ”okay… maybe I’m exaggerating a bit.”  But seriously, there are “two options” here.  Either I kill this blog once and for all, or I just write…  It might be ugly!  It might be “not so good”!  But, do you know what?!?!  ”FOOLS SIT ON THE SIDELINES AND DON’T WRITE BLOGS!!!!!!”  –Ben Franklin

Hey!  I know its been months since my last post so I doubt anyone still reads this.  Ummm… my excuse is a really bad case of writer’s block.  Anyways, I’m back in action!

So Mike gave me The Irresistable Revolution for my birthday.  I’ve been slowly reading it on breaks at work.  It has definitely challenged me.  I can’t say a whole lot about it now since I haven’t finished the book yet, but I can tell you there will be a post about it soon.

My family got a new Golden Retriever puppy!  Her name is Sandy, and she’s amazing!  We’ve only had her a week and she can already sit, lay down, stay, and come to you on command!

Last week I saved someone in the pool for the first time (in case someone didn’t know, I have a summer job lifeguarding at Oak Point Recreation Center).  It was intense!  A full grown man jumped off the diving board and couldn’t swim.  I’m not exactly sure why he jumped in.  Anyways, I jumped in and performed a legit “active drowning” lifeguard rescue.  And that’s how I became an American hero.

Well, that’s all I’ve got for now.  Tune in next week for the all new sequel to this post!

Am I convinced?  Does my life show it?  Do others see Jesus in me?

Am I convicted?  Why don’t I move?  Why am I idle?

What’s stopping me?  Am I afraid?  What am I afraid of?

Do I really care?  Is it all an act?  Am I genuine?

Am I a failure?  Have I missed His call?

Or is He calling me now?

It makes me sad…

I can feel it when I talk to people back home.  Its a formality.  Lets pretend we can pick things up right where we left off.  Tell me in five minutes everything that has happened to you the past four months.  Its too much to tell.  Suffice to say “I’m doing good”.

Its like when Mike came home from Africa.  Somehow I thought we’d all sit in the living room and he’d tell us all about every detail of his life there.  But six months is a long time.  He was in Africa, experiencing a new culture, and building relationships with new people.  His experience was a whole new life that couldn’t be explained in one sitting.

What I’m trying to say is that I feel disconnected with everyone back at home.  Not only because I can’t explain my life to them, but they can’t explain their lives to me.  They can’t tell me about all the things I’ve been missing…at least not in one sitting.  It takes time.  Time not everyone is willing to take.

And it makes me sad…

I can figure it out…

At least I always think I can.  Its my first inclination when I realize somethings wrong.  Just figure it out.  Find the problem and fix it.  Just spend a few hours thinking about it.  I can fix it.  The frustration sets in.  I get frustration with God, frustration with myself.  I force feelings that aren’t there.  I close my eyes tight in worship and raise my hands high, but I don’t feel His presence.  And slowly God fades to the background, and all my religiosity turns to slavish labor.  All I can see is me.

One day, I’ll wake up.  “What happened to me?  Didn’t I used to pray?  Didn’t I used to feel peace?”  I’ll realize that I’m missing the whole point.  I can’t figure it out.  I just need to seek Jesus; to pray, to fast, and to read His word.

I don’t need answers; I need Him.  He is the answer…

ding dong! (just an example)

Yay Writing About Liturature class!

In other news…

I went to the beach today!  We found some dead jellyfish, and now I’m scared of being stung.  I didn’t know they were in there!  Also, I completely lost all my skimboarding skills.  And crabs are creepy.

Pro Engineer… coolest program ever!  It’s a 3D modelling program that NASA uses.  So cool!  I had to make a bunch of random parts for homework, and this is a picture of one of them.

This semester has flown by!  I only have 5 weeks of school left!  All my teachers are cramming tests and projects together.  I feel like I’m going to be booked pretty tight till the semester is over.  I might have to start microwaving my poptarts…

I just saw Slumdog Millionair; not going to lie, there were a couple of parts that made me want to cry.  Great movie.  I was skeptical, but it lived up to the hype.

“Pam and Jim are like movie Geniuses” — guess who said that line

So I officially follow 3 shows–Lost, the Office, and stupid Smallville.  Smallville is the worst.  I have no idea why I still watch it.  It’s just a never ending stream of cliffhangers.  I’m loving the new season of Lost–the whole time travel thing is blowing my mind!  What happened to Faraday?  and why didn’t Son go back in time too?  As for the Office, I can’t believe Michael quit!  crazy!

Well, that’s it.

Please don’t loose faith; please don’t give up hope…

in people… I know you’re wondering “is anyone really following?”  “is anyone really listening to Jesus?”

in the church…  I know you hate this place.  You can’t stand to see the hypocrisy.  How can Jesus’ bride be so corrupted?

In God… You’re questioning if He’s really there, if His words are really True, if He hears your prayers, and why He seems to only answer some people… and that never seems to be you.

I wish I had the perfect answers to all your questions.  I wish I could say just the right thing and you would never doubt again.  I want you to be so close to God.  I want you to dive into everything He has for you.  I want you to feel His presence and know He is there listening to your cries and comforting your troubled heart.  Because He will bring hope where you are cynical and joy where you are in despair.  Seek Him.  Dig into His word and search for Truth  Pray for answers.  Pray for faith to replace your doubt.  Because He DOES hear you.  He WILL answer.  He will be faithful to rescue you.  And He will bring you out of this crisis with stronger faith and greater love for Him than you have ever experienced before in your life.

so I ask you, please, PLEASE don’t loose your faith; PLEASE don’t loose your hope.  Because you’re not alone.  There are others loosing faith too.  They need you to get through this so that you can show them the way.  How you got lost and God came to your rescue.  Because I was lost, and God rescued me.  Now I’m standing here, and I need you to stand with me.  Please don’t go.

So I finally had time to re-edit my survivorman movie, and cut it down to the length it should have been originally–3 and a half minutes.  Now, its berible to watch.  lol.  I think I’m going to post this one on facebook too.

I’m desperate for the Lord.
Without Him, dead and bored.
My temple sin, my thoughts crude.
I need God more than I need food.

Worry, worry, worry
God is small, my life’s a hurry.
Neighbors despair; yet I don’t care?
I need God more than I need air.

Let’s pretend all is fine.
Let yours be yours and mine be mine.
Are faceless souls just cannon fodder?
I need God more than I need water.

Is this the message of my life?
satan steals me for his lies
when God has gone from my religion.
I need God more than I need vision.

Reveal the truth; it’s clear to see
I need God more than I need me.